It seems that the main theme of today is the contemplation of a life in which I have no idea what is going to happen. My future has never been more uncertain. I feel like everyone must go through this in their life at some point. During this time, we are challenged, forced to make the conscious decision to mentally and emotionally overcome the present circumstances, and come out of the other side victorious. It seems we often take advantage of the comforts we experience on a day to day basis. Comforts like housing, transportation, insurance, paychecks.
My life right now is centered around the very hard lesson of learning to cope with this new context I have been thrust into, this life of complete uncertainty. It seems the only road I can take. All other doors close in my face. God, in a sense, is guiding me, quite forcefully it seems at times, down this path of hardship and turmoil. I know God has a plan, I know God is in control, I know He knows my heart and my deep desires in life. I’m interested to see how I fit into the greater story of God.
Today I woke up, severely in need of more sleep, not wanting to go to the meetings I had this morning, not wanting to get out of bed. I’ve felt incredibly overwhelmed as of late. I know what God is calling me to, He’s made it extremely clear. Yet, my life seems to scream back at me that I am inadequate for the job, that I will never make it work, that its just too tall a hurdle to jump. There’s this ideal, this philosophy that I’ve struggled with for a while now, this idea of raising support. To raise support, in my mind, is to completely relinquish control. You are saying “my life is in the hands of many, who can choose to give or not to give, towards a greater good, that will allow me to do something I would never be able to do otherwise, and it can all end at any time. The church I work for currently can’t really pay me, namely because they are more of a mission organization than an established “church” in the traditional american sense. Most of the staff raises money and lives a life of a missionary, but rather a missionary in the states. When most people think “missionary” they typically immediately jump to some poor, dirty, impoverished village in Kenya, living in a slum somewhere, teaching people how to take care of themselves, or giving medical attention, or teaching in a school, or building homes. Most people don’t think of the dangerous neighborhoods in our own cities, the poor, impoverished families living in these neighborhoods. We don’t consider the drug problems, the crime rates, the gang activity. One major problem we have in the Atlanta/Chattanooga metropolis is the huge problem of human trafficking. All of these things go mostly overlooked by most churches, organizations, and people in general.
Don’t misunderstand me, I think we have a huge needs in other countries to support missionaries that live there and serve there in many respects. My heart, however, has always been here in the states, fighting for the little guy, serving the least of America. I’ve always dreamt of being a part of a community of people, seeking to see a real change in the lives of the greater community of people around them.
The Mission Chattanooga is in the middle of one of the top 10 most dangerous neighborhoods in the country. They are seeking to be directly involved in this neighborhood and bring people into their community and be involved in their lives in a real way. This is the community I am seeking to be part of in a staff position. The problem with this is funds. I am currently working TWO other jobs that take up an enormous amount of my time, causing me to not be able to focus my attention on what I’m passionate about and feel called to, namely The Mission Chattanooga.
This is where I am right now, needing encouragement, guidance, and serious financial help. I feel that God is using this time in my life to teach me humility, patience, strength, and perseverance. God seems to continuously give me glimmers of hope in what seems like a world of darkness. I’m thankful for those glimmers of hope, they keep me going. I hope to one day be able to serve in this ministry full time in many respects, both musically, and in general serving where needed. I guess it’ll just take time, and lots of prayer. Prayer is always appreciated.
((If you would like more information and are possibly considering supporting this cause and would like more details about what I am /will be doing in this ministry and would like to receive a more formal letter explaining this ministry, please email me your contact information at: firstname.lastname@example.org))