As I was reflecting on the fact that I’ve been single now for coming up on a year, after being in a relationship for almost 4 years, I pondered a very simple, and yet completely complex reality: The world of dating is constantly changing, and therefore a completely relative world. This world is a place where there are no real rules, and the fate of every heart is decided by the very beast each poor individual dares to approach. The world of dating is, apparently, still dominated by assholes. The “nice guy” still finishes last, is under appreciated, and looked down upon.
I understand I’m not saying anything new here. I’m pretty sure I’ve said all of this before actually. But, it always makes for good conversation, none the less. My issue is with the seemingly nice enough women. These women seem to truly believe they want someone who will treat them with respect, love them whole heartedly, and be the man in their life that they so desperately need/want. The reality is, this isn’t at all what they want, though it may be what they need. What they REALLY want is someone who makes them feel dangerous, rebellious, out of control, dramatic, and adventurous. The irony is, they don’t seem to think they can feel or experience these things with a “nice guy.”
I’ll be honest, being the nice guy is a fairly new concept to me. I wasn’t always nice. No, I was actually quite the opposite back in the day. I was self-centered, self-absorbed, egoistical…basically the typical musician type. The craziness of it all, is that back then, I had absolutely no problem finding girls. In fact, I broke the hearts of some very sweet, innocent, lovely girls. To this day I still feel awful for the way I’ve treated people in my past. But, there is an interesting fact that, I believe, deserves some acknowledgment. It seemed to rarely be promiscuous, morally compromised, “edgy” or particularly liberally-minded girls that fell for me. It was always the extremely nice, good, pure, Christian types who really fell hard. They deserved a really nice, good-hearted, moral, strong man, and they fell for me. Some might say they deserved what they had coming to them. Don’t get me wrong, I fell for my share of girls that were completely wrong for me and awful for me as well. But, the point I’m trying to make here is that it was most often never an “equally yoked” situation.
Now lets look at the present paradox of dating. There’s so much irony here I can’t even acknowledge it all, but the most obvious irony is the fact that, now that I went through my own fair share of heart break, matured and tried to take time to really understand what it means to love someone and take responsibility for my actions, no one seems to be interested. Its almost comical, except its not. Its quite the conundrum. I feel there’s probably plenty of psychology books I could reference, studies to read, research to analyze, that all point to one simple truth: People are complete morons that have no idea what they actually want or need. I swear, its amazing we even remember to feed ourselves. The world of dating in adulthood is a whole new beast. I’m learning as I go. But, the reality of it is, I have absolutely no desire to put up with someone’s drama or flakiness, and I find that most women I’ve been on dates with, been friends with, or merely had any type of brief encounter with, are all this way.
I am not trying to say its only women that are this way either. I know that there are plenty of nice, sweet, kind-hearted women out there going through the same types of experiences. I’m merely speaking from my own personal experience. Don’t misunderstand me here, I don’t mean to come across as some pathetic loser, desperate to find a girlfriend. Honestly, the longer I’m single, the more ok with it I become. I just really love psychology. I love analyzing people’s behaviors and discussing them with people. I love hearing other people’s experiences and putting everything into perspective. Having said that, I’d love to hear your experience.
Feel free to comment, email me, whatever form of communication suits you. Lets discuss it. Something to think about, anyway.